Horror, My Last Entry

Dear Diary, 


My hand is shaking as I write this, and I cannot keep the tears from running down my face. Why did this have to happen?


After the meeting with the messenger earlier today, I wanted to go and visit the queen because she seemed to be very distraught, but I got caught up in the rush of other maids and attendants heading towards the kitchens to spread the news of the king's lineage. I didn't end up leaving the kitchens until the evening, so when I got there, it was...too late. 


Walking up to the bedchambers, I could hear the sounds of her sobbing and wailing, calling out "Laius!" and lamenting about her cursed brood, who now I can only know as Oedipus. I was trying to think of an excuse to go help her, when the king came rushing down the hall, screaming for Jocasta, who he described as "the mother of me and mine". I was shocked enough about that revelation, but then...


I heard a shriek that was suddenly cut off, and when Oedipus opened the doors to his bedchambers, there the queen was, swinging by a noose.


She hung herself.


And as if this wasn't bad enough, when Oedipus loosened the cord and set down the queen corpse, he took her brooch and used it to blind himself, right in front of my eyes. The blood was dripping down his face into his beard, and I felt sick looking at it. He uttered words like "No more shall ye behold such sights of woe, deeds I have suffered and myself have wrought..."


I was horrified, and at the same time I felt incredibly guilty. If I had only been a bit sooner in reaching the queen, I could have prevented this tragedy! She would still be alive, and Oedipus would still have his eyesight, and he wouldn't-


Ah, there's more to this tragedy.


Holding back my nausea, I ran to the king and tried to get him to come with me. He was moaning in pain, but let go of the corpse and followed me, albeit very slowly. Seeing that he didn't object to me leading him anywhere, I sped up to get to the senate house so I could tell them of the horrible events. As the distance grew a bit between us, he started yelling out, "Unbar the doors and let all Thebes behold the slayer of his father, his mother's-"


I can't say that word. Anyway, he vowed to fly self-banished from the land, and to never come back to Thebes or else lay more curses upon his home. I quickly turned and went faster to the senate house. 


When I reached there, I did my best to accurately describe the events (which I did, because I stood there and watched the whole thing...). I could tell by there expressions that they didn't understand fully, so I told them to see for themselves when Oedipus came, as I heard him shuffling behind me. King Oedipus reached the door and walked in, and I could see that the senate believed me now. The blood had dried on Oedipus's face, giving him a ghoulish look.


The senate, who had no idea of recent events dealing with the king, asked him why he did this to himself.


Oedipus, who had fallen to his knees, lamented his birth and the fact that he was the one to murder his father and climb into his mother's bed. He said horrifying, self-deprecating things about himself, that he probably would never have even thought if the recent events hadn't come to pass. He said that he didn't want to have to see all the horrible misdeeds that he's done, and felt that no sight could ever bring him joy anymore, which was why he blinded himself. 


He then asked if he could be banished, and if not that then executed, as he felt he had no right to be in the sight of Thebes at all. I felt shocked then, but I understand what he meant now. To Oedipus, his own presence was so vile that he felt that he was corrupting everyone he came across.


Then Lord Creon entered. He must have heard what Oedipus said about the banishment, because he said he would be the one to grant his prayers, as he was left the sole leader of Thebes in Oedipus and Jocasta's stead. 


It seemed odd to me that he knew of the news so quickly, but then Lord Creon stated that he had already heard of the news through gossip and consulted the gods to see if it was true. 


Oedipus then asked him if he could have Jocasta buried with the proper rites, and himself banished. He asked that when he died, if he would be buried by his father in Cithaeron on the hills. His last request was to see his daughters before he left.


Then, his daughters Antigone and Ismene were led in, and Creon stated that he knew that Oedipus would want to see them ahead of time. 


Oedipus sobbed again, holding on to his daughters, and lamented of their future, which he stated would be filled with ridicule and scorn from men who will say "Their father slew his father, sowed the seed where he himself was gendered, and begat these maidens at the source whereupon he sprang." He then said that no one would wed them, and pleaded to Creon that he make sure they find a husband and live happily within their homes, unlike their father. 


I felt like weeping just looking at the pitiful state of the once great king. What could he have done to stop his horrible fate from occurring, other than what was already tried? By all means, he shouldn't have even been alive after the precautions that were taken by the old king and queen! What was the reason behind his suffering? Was he hated by the gods, by the Fates?


What was even worse was that Lord Creon, who had seemed so kind earlier, all but snatched the girls out of Oedipus's hands and made him leave, all while saying that he was just granting his plea. Even in my shocked highly emotional state, it seemed very callous. Thinking back on it now, the look of almost exaggerated sympathy makes me feel uneasy. Was he happy to be king now that Oedipus and Jocasta were out of the way? It makes me think that Oedipus may have been right earlier about his lust for the crown.


But alas, just thinking of how smooth everything was going up until the plague makes me want to curl up and cry. The events of the past few days have left their toll on me, I'm sure, and because of that I will not be writing in this diary again. I may break if I have to look upon my earlier thoughts and relive the madness that has occurred.


I am also leaving Thebes. I don't feel as if it would be healthy for me to stay here, even with my family. The plague will surely end now, and I have enough gold saved up to make a living on my own in the countryside. As long as I can escape these events, I know I will be fine.


Goodbye,


Former Royal Messenger, ---------- (name has been scratched out)

Revelations

Dear Diary,


Today, a fellow messenger from Corinth visited the palace with an urgent message for the king. I don't know him very well, but I do remember seeing him coming and going throughout the city since I was a child. He seems to have aged well, but is long past the point of his prime. 


Anyway, I was actually there for the message, only this time I wasn't eavesdropping. The queen, her attendants, a performer, and myself were in the sitting room, relaxing. I had been trying my best not to think of the conversation I had heard yesterday when I looked at the queen, and I was totally failing. 


The messenger came in and greeted the queen respectfully, with many well-wishes and praises. He asked for the king specifically, and when he found out he wasn't there, delivered the news that Polybus, King Oedipus's father, had died of natural causes. 


The attendants all looked slightly confused at the relieved expression on the queen's face, but I understood, and I was feeling the same relief. When I thought about it last night, I realized that I am way too emotionally invested in this unfolding mystery to even jokingly consider not finding out more, so I felt that I had a right to be relieved at the news. I thought that if Polybus died of natural causes, then the oracles were wrong, and King Oedipus was innocent.


Then the king entered the room. The queen delivered the news, and King Oedipus seemed sorrowful at the news of his father's death, but relieved at the realization that he was not his father's murderer. He still seemed slightly worried though, and the queen noticed and asked him what was wrong. The king replied that he was still worried because his mother is still alive, which mean that part of the prophecy may somehow be realized.


The messenger inquired as to what they were talking about, and the king told him of the prophecy that he received, stating that it was no secret (I felt less guilty about eavesdropping then, since the king felt that he had nothing to hide). 


The messenger seemed slightly disturbed, but then said that if that was the reason he wouldn't return home to Corinth, he had nothing to worry about because Polybus was not his real father. The king was shocked, as were the rest of us in the room who were entranced with the unfolding drama. 


King Oedipus, of course, asked him for the specifics. I couldn't help but feel pity for the king in that moment. He kept finding out life-changing things one after another, and none of them were good. 


Anyway, the messenger then shocked us all by saying that he had been the one who gave him to Polybus to raise since Merope and Polybus could not have children biologically. The Corinthian messenger said that he found the king in the woods of Cithaeron while going out to tend to the mountain flocks. The king seemed incredulous, and asked the old why he was tending flocks if he was a messenger. The messenger evaded the question with a very vague excuse, and then told Oedipus that he was the king's savior because he loosened the pins that bound his ankles together. He even reminded him that that was where the king's name, Oedipus, came from. 


The king asked if he knew who was responsible for his state as a baby, and the messenger replied that he had no idea, but knew of someone who did. He said that the shepherd who handed the baby over to him worked in Laius's house as a herdsman. 


Once he found out that the herdsman was alive, King Oedipus asked the messenger if he knew where he was. The messenger said that didn't know where the herdsman was, but the queen might, as she was around when the man worked for the royal family. 


When asked, Queen Jocasta seemed very distressed. I'm still not entirely sure what was wrong, and at the time I was made even more confused by the way she was reluctant to give the whereabouts of the herdsman. She kept warning the king that it was a bad idea to seek out the herdsman, and that it didn't matter what he had to say. King Oedipus seemed to think that she was reluctant to know because he might have been the child of a commoner or a slave, and was very angry when he dismissed her to go find the herdsman. 


What gave me a bad feeling were the queen's parting words: "O woe is thee, poor wretch! With that last word I leave thee, henceforth silent evermore."


What is that supposed to mean? 


At the time I was preoccupied with leaving in a group with the other attendants, who were giggling about the new piece of gossip that was just awarded to them, but now, thinking on it, I realize that those were very ominous words. I'm worried about the queen, because her face had a very devastated look to it when she left. Maybe I will find a reason to look for her later, just to see if she's alright? Yes, I will do that. 


And in regards to the news of the king's lineage, I feel very relieved. This clears it, that the prophecy was wrong. Also, this means that the king can go home to visit and console his mother about his father's Polybus's death without worrying over the prophecy coming true. I hope he goes, because he most likely needs a break now. 


Anyway, after the multiple revelations today, I am exhausted. I will retire under this shady olive tree, and try to get some rest.


Sincerely, 


The Royal Messenger, ---------- (name has been scratched out)

New Hope

Dear Diary, 

After yesterday's events, I didn't want to be anywhere near the palace, but I had to deliver a message to one of the princes. When I was passing the kitchens, I heard one of the younger maids gossiping about an argument they heard while passing by the royal chambers. The maid said that she heard the king yelling at someone who sounded a lot like Lord Creon.

When I heard that, I assumed that King Oedipus was confronting Lord Creon about his suspicions of treason.

A part of me wants to believe that Lord  Creon actually is planning against the king, but another part of is thinking that it would be very convenient for King Oedipus to spread that rumor after hearing a seer tell him of his alleged misdeeds.  I need more of the story before I can make a solid opinion, but something tells me that if I go looking for more answers I won't like what I find.

In spite of that sense of foreboding, I shamelessly returned to the same tree I was under before, half-hoping that the window would be closed.

It was open, just as before, and I could hear them clearly. It was King Oedipus, again,  but this time I heard the voice of the queen as well. I almost left right then. I didn't want to intrude on something too private between the king and queen. Then I heard the queen inquiring about the argument between the king and Lord Creon. Since that was the only reason I was there (and the fact that I am a nosy, nosy person), I decided to stay.

King Oedipus replied to her that he fought with her brother because Creon was painting him to be Laius's murderer.

Queen Jocasta then asked if Lord Creon accused him of murder out right, to which King Oedipus replied that he used a knavish seer as a mouthpiece.

Again, I am to assume that bearing this burden of knowledge is a punishment for me sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I felt then, as I do now, that I had to know. The unfolding events were sucking me in, and I couldn't do a thing about it but watch them, as if it was a play.

The queen then told the king that she knew for a fact the the seer was wrong, and launched into a story that gave me a sick feeling in me gut.

She said that an oracle from the ministers of Delphi once came to the old king and  declared that he was doomed to perish at the hands of his own son, born to him by the queen herself. The queen then reassured King Oedipus that the old king was reported to have been killed by highwaymen at a spot where three roads meet.

She told King Oedipus that she did indeed have a child with Laius, but when it was three-days old the old king pierced and pinned its ankles together and cast it on a mountainside. So, she said, the prophecy that Apollo brought was not to pass.

I felt an overwhelming sense of relief at that. If that prophecy wasn't true, then that meant that this prophecy wasn't true! King Oedipus really was innocent, and he would find the murderer of the old king and save us all again.

And then, like many other times in my life, my hopes were dashed quickly and painfully.

King Oedipus sounded shocked and upset at the story, which confused me at first. Was he angry about the treatment of the child? The oracle for giving them the false prophecy?

Unfortunately, it was neither of those things. The king then asked a series of questions, like when the old king was killed, where he was, what he looked liked, and  how many people were with him.

By the end of the questioning, the queen sounded as perturbed as I did. She sounded anxious when she asked what was wrong, and soon the sick feeling in my stomach increased. The king said that he may have unwittingly laid a curse upon himself, and that the seer may prove to not be blind...He then asked who was the one who carried the message back to the kingdom. The queen's voice was shaky when she answered him, that it was a serf, who was the lone survivor of the trip. Queen Jocasta said that as soon as he returned, he asked to be sent to the mountains and pastures to get away from the events of their journey. The king asked that the serf be brought back, so the king could question him, to see if he was correct in his assumption.

As if that wasn't enough to convince me that something was amiss with the king, he then told the queen about what as bothering him so fully.

He said that his father was Polybus of Corinth, and his mother was a Dorian named Merope, and that he was held a foremost citizen. Then, he said, a drunkard at a banquet told him that he wasn't a true son of his father, Polybus. When he asked his parents about it, they were indignant on his behalf and tried to comfort him, but the slur still held fast in his mind, and made him doubt himself. So, in an effort to get some answers, he went to visit Delphi. Apollo sent him back with grievous prophecies, woes, and lamentations about how the king would defile his mother's bed, raise up children too loathsome to look at, and kill his own father.

So armed with that knowledge, he left his family home to keep the prophecy from coming to pass. On his journey, he came upon a triple-branching road where a herald and an old man drawn by colts met him. Both men threatened to throw him off the road, and the now-king Oedipus struck the herald in the front. The old man  tried to bludgeon him with a double-pointed goad. It didn't work, and King Oedipus used his staff to throw the man out of the chariot seat and kill the everyone there.

He ended his story with a statement of what was really bothering him; what if that old man he killed was Laius?

He then wondered aloud if this was the plot of some god, or the Fates, and if so, he wouldn't be able to blame them for it. He said that if the prophecy he received does come true, he wishes to be killed so that he would not be a plague on the living any longer.

But then the king said that he has hope of when the serf comes that he'll be proven wrong. The queen asked him what would he hope to learn from the serf, and the king replied that in the serf's report, the old king and his traveling party were attacked by robbers, as in more than one person. King Oedipus was alone when he slew the stranger on the road. So, if the serf sticks to the story of the 'robbers', than the king will be proven innocent. If the serf says only one person was there, than the king actually did murder Laius.

The queen sounded relieved when she told him that the serf's tale of the attack included multiple attackers. Also, she said, the oracle specifically said that Laius would die by a child's hand, and her only child with Laius died as a baby. So, she said, he has nothing to worry about.

The king sounded slightly relieved, but still perturbed, and he agreed that it's most likely not what he was thinking.

Then they left.

I stayed under the tree until evening, still processing what I had heard.

I hope that Queen Jocasta was right, and that the king didn't kill old king Laius. Besides, the oracle did say the Laius would be killed by his child, and King Oedipus's parents live in Corinth! So she  must be right!

Now, back at my father's house, I stand by that statement. The serf will surely prove the king wrong, and everything will go back to normal after the king catches the real killer.

I must leave now, my mother, is calling for me.

Sincerely,

The Royal Messenger, ------------ (name has been scratched out)

Horrible, Horrible News

Dear Diary,


Well, I was correct in my assumption that King Oedipus would give his all to find Laius's murderers. This morning, he addressed the city of Thebes from his royal balcony and assured us that he would try to avenge Laius as if the man was his own father, and that when the murderer was caught, he will be executed and buried outside of the city. The citizens, including myself, were grateful for the confidence with which King Oedipus spoke; it seemed as if he was going to stop the plague that very minute! For the rest of the day, I felt hopeful that everything would be alright. 


Then, I did something bad. 


It was close to dusk, and I was walking around the palace grounds, just to blow off some steam from an earlier assignment, when I heard the strong voice of our king, Oedipus, speaking. It was coming from an open window on the second floor. I could see some of the inside of room they were in, which was the king's personal office. King Oedipus had his back turned towards the window, but I knew that if he turned around he would see me very quickly. So, I quickly dashed to the olive tree that stood conveniently under the window, and crouched at the base closest to the wall. From there, no one from that window would have been able to see me. 


I  knew then, as I know now, that eavesdropping is always a horrible idea, especially on royal families (what right do I have to listen to their private conversations?), but that same bad feeling of foreboding seized me as it did yesterday, and I felt a burning curiosity. I felt as if I had to know.


So, I strained my ears to catch whatever Oedipus was saying to the mystery person inside, and what that person might be saying back.


That was said, but I caught some of what Oedipus was saying when I first walked by; "Therefore begrudging neither augury nor other divination that is thine..." From that, I could guess that the other person may have been a seer. My thought was that King Oedipus may have been consulting the seer to get help with finding Laius' murderer, and at the moment I felt the dark feeling that had been welling up inside me vanish. I had faith that everything was going to be fixed!


And then I heard the seer speak. He sounded melancholy, as if he had just been given grave news (which was actually the correct assumption, given what he said next).  He asked to be able to return home, and to not be forced to have to reveal what he had seen. Of course, King Oedipus would not have that. He was the King after all, and who has the right to refuse him? The king persisted, and asked him directly: Who killed the old king?


Coming to this point of the conversation, I am now beginning to think that holding this knowledge is my punishment for eavesdropping, especially on the king.


The seer, who I've yet to hear the name of, says that he, King Oedipus, is the one who murdered Laius, and is the reason for the plague! My ears feel like they are still ringing from his words, and I don't know what to think. The king was outraged, of course, that someone would even suggest that! The king reminded him that he was the one who saved us all from the Sphinx and her riddles, which required a vast amount of intelligence and cleverness, and that he could not be easily fooled. He then accused the seer of being hired by Lord Creon to tell a false prophesy to seize the throne! 


The seer countered with disturbing questions and statements, asking if the king was aware of his lineage. He then said that the curse of his mother and father will someday cause the king to be banished beyond our borders, and that he's set himself and his children on a path of misfortune. 


This was not the worst of it. 


On his way out, after the king dismissed him in anger, the seer told King Oedipus that the man who murdered Laius is here, and passes for an alien in the land, but will soon be proven a true Theban. He then said the news will be him little joy, and that to his children he is both their brother and their father, and the murderer of his own sire. The seer then left, saying that if he is wrong, that he has no skill in prophecy. Sickened by his words, I left quickly and quietly, making my way in the darkness to my father's home.


I don't know what to think of this. If what the seer says is true, then we, as the city of Thebes, have been praising our king's murderer (and son!) as a hero! And it doesn't seem to make sense. If King Oedipus was the son of Laius, why was he not seen until he wandered into the city and defeated the Sphinx? He couldn't be the old king's son! Because if he is, then he has married his mother, and sired his own siblings! 


No...I can't believe that, I won't believe it! It is most likely just what King Oedipus claimed, that it is a plot made by Lord Creon. He is clever enough...


Things will work out. They have to.


Sincerely, 


The Royal Messenger, -------- (name has been scratched out)